Dumb and Dumber in Rwanda

So yesterday I took one of my students to Bourbon for coffee after school.  I drive a TVS Scooty Pep+ and I have a huge full-face helmet for me and a dainty little pink flowery one for my passengers.  Well, through a series of unfortunate events, my pink helmet ended up not being at school when I needed to give it to my student to ride safely to Bourbon.  I ended up giving her my full-face and using the decrepit blue helmet (with no face mask or chin strap) that’s been sitting around at school as long as I’ve worked there.  It was on this scooter ride that I reminisced back to 1994.

In 1994, something happened that changed the world forever.  Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels starred in the ever-popular film Dumb and Dumber.  As I drove down the road yesterday wearing my janky helmet, my student grasping my shoulders, I felt very much like Lloyd Christmas driving to Aspen.  Of course, I asked my passenger if she felt like Harry Dunne, but seeing as she was BORN in 1996, she had NO clue what I was referring to.

Later the same night, another Dumb and Dumber moment was lost on the people around me.  I was at “my boys” house teaching them English.  David’s smile warmed my heart.  His joy in the midst of extreme poverty and hardship never ceases to amaze me.  My smile broadened, however, when he said, and I kid you not, “we have no food.  We have no jobs.”  It was ALL I could do not to respond, “Our pets heads are falling off!”

These are not the only parallels one can draw between my life and Dumb and Dumber.  For example, there’s the obvious, “Why you going to the airport?  Flying somewhere?” as I fly somewhere on a fairly regular basis.  I can also relate to Lloyd when he says “I get 70 miles to the gallon on this hog.”  But, according to my calculations (which are likely less than accurate), I get more like 100 miles to the gallon on my “hog.”  (If you want to do the math, my tank holds 5 liters of petrol and I can drive 200 kilometers on one tank.)

Then there’s the aptly named pet store, “I Got Worms,” which is something I have been able to say on multiple occasions since moving to Rwanda.  Once I left English lessons a bit early to make it to the pharmacy before it closed.  I told the boys I needed to go because I had “snakes of the stomach” (as they call them).  One of them responded, “Everyone has snakes in their stomach!”  I informed him that, while that may be the case in his country, we westerners boast of worm-less stomachs most of the time…

The next parallel might only make sense to my fellow abazungu (white folk) in Rwanda, but the exchange between Lloyd and the elderly woman on the sidewalk applies to our lives here:

            Lloyd:  Excuse me, little old lady.  Do you have change for a dollar?

            Elderly woman:  Change?  No, I’m sorry, I don’t.

For, you see, finding change in this country (while it has been improving as of late) is NOT an easy task.  Moto drivers are infamous for not having the change you need and trying to get you to give up and let them “keep the change.” 

My last parallel might be a stretch.  Recall the last scene of the movie.  Harry gives a bus full of girls directions to the nearest town.  Harry then runs back and tells them different directions to the nearest town. This is how direction giving works in Rwanda.  You ask one person how to get to X, and he points you up the hill to the right.  When you get up the hill to the right, you ask another person how to get to X and he points you down the hill to the left where you find another person who points you straight ahead where you find another person, and I think you get the picture.  You never know quite where you’re going to be led.

So you may be wondering where I’m being led after this school year since my “commitment” ends May 29.  Well, if you’re wondering if I’ll come to the States for the summer and return to KICS next year, well, I’m “telling [you] there’s a chance!”